Does God want me to stay in an unhappy marriage?
I married someone who made believe he was a Christian right before I married him 11 years ago. I have been with him off and on for 27 years. Its been 11 years now. I married him because we were living together, and we had a child. I felt the right thing to do was to get married. It is tough being with him. I am not happy. But he had 2 stroke incidents and I feel that I need to take care of him. Would God want me to stay or get a divorce?
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Asked October 28 2013
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Anonymous
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Vincent Mercado
Supporter
Let me share with you the text of my wedding vows. I told my bride this 3 years ago, hopefully this reminds you of your wedding vows - "I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life." Genuine love hurts. It requires a lot of sacrifice to make the marriage work. With 11 years of marriage, you are an inspiration for us couples who barely started a family. Hang on. Seek comfort at the image of the crucified Christ. He is there, stripped naked, scourged, and in deep agony and pain, yet he held on. You are not alone, He shares your pain.
joel thomas
Supporter
Your issue as it relates to the bible's delineation of divorce is very unique . I think that one should seek God's guidance through the authority, and leadership of the Holy Spirit, which the scriptures says will guide us unto all truths!
Terry Galloway
Supporter
It has been a while since this was asked, but I think many Christians have this question. The Bible has a lot to say about this situation. As Christians who love Jesus Christ, we obey what He says (in the Word) even though we may suffer and not understand His purpose. He is sovereign and creates every marriage. I too thought my husband and I were both believers, but I got born again after 22 years of marriage, and he was not willing to live with me. As a born again believer, Jesus is who I live to please, and I have Him as my husband and love of my life. Isaiah 54:5 Jesus said marriage is for life--Matthew 19:1-11 "let no one split apart what God has joined together", Luke 16:16-18, Mark 10:5-12. God hates divorce--Malachi 2:13-17 including verse 15 that God made you one for godly children from your union, to guard your heart and remain loyal. 1 Corinthians 7 says you should not leave the unbelieving spouse and verse 39 says she is bound as long as he is alive. Romans 7:1-3 says the same thing- that you would commit adultery if you married someone else while he is alive. This is very serious because the adulterous and fornicators do not inherit the kingdom unless that is what you WERE--1 Corinthians 6:9-11. It seems that you came to repentance when living together to know to get married. Jesus forgave the woman in adultery, but told her to go and sin no more. Only by surrendering to the indwelling Holy Spirit can we obey and live through a difficult marriage. There is joy and purpose that comes from being in love with Jesus obeying my vows though my husband chose not to. He will face his own Judgment, but I look forward to mine because of living to please the Spirit and knowing that this unhappiness has brought great joy from living in dependence on Christ. I remain faithful as He has been faithful to me. And I have not presumed on His grace to overlook willful disobedience to His Word. Jude 1:4 talks about using His grace as a permission to sin. Pray fervently for your spouse and children. Ask God to bless your family for your obedience and heal your marriage and above all give salvation (born of the Spirit) to them. Then you will have the unity that Christ gives through His Spirit. And forgive your spouse just as you want to be forgiven. God is still in the miracle business. Search the Word to let Him speak promises of comfort, love, rescue, faithfulness to prayers, and who you are IN Christ--His bride. Psalm 50:15 was one of the first for me. Blessings! http://www.gotquestions.org/unhappy-marriage.html
Colin Wong
Supporter
Given that your situation is very unique, it is probably tough for anyone on eBible.com to provide the most relevant answer to your situation. There are so many personal details that is likely best conveyed in a personal one-on-one counseling session. Seeking counseling at your local church may be a better option. Here are some divorce-related questions on eBible.com that you may find helpful in the meantime. What are Biblical grounds for divorce? Is being married to an unequally yoked partner grounds for divorce?
Zeph Chakawa
Supporter
Firstly, one must be clear about God's desire for his own creation, here in this case, Family or marriage partners. God desires people in a marriage to love one another and that there be harmony in the marriage (Ephesians 5:22-25). Husbands must love their wives and wives must submit to their own husbands. When things are done God's way, peace and true joy is a result. Unfortunately when his principles for marriage are violated, the result is several difficulties. The marital relationship between husband and wife is a mystery of Christ and His Church. God thus expects Christian marriages to model his love for His church. The meaning of happiness or the implied meaning of happiness in a marriage may be subjective. Firstly, a union of two human beings is bound to produce some conflict at some stage. Agreement is ideal but it's not always that couples agree on everything. Human beings are imperfect and the bible even declared that we all have sinned and fallen short of his glory so no human being is perfect. We are instructed as Christians to live peaceably with one another (Romans 12:18). Couples must understand a Godly marriage and the principles in such. Differences can be worked out and resolved, the Holy Spirit guiding. No marriage must be regretted or miserable. The devil does fight marriages so it is important for couples to pray together and in praying together, a couple submits to God and therefore can resist the devil and he surely will flee. You don't need to be unhappy in a marriage, believe God for his intervention and he shows himself strong.
Blaine T. Goodwin
Supporter
You must seek God and his guidance, He will show you the best path for your life. There is no definite answer for these things, they are context based. Yet Christ gives us the outline and formula to ensure the right choices. Pray and talk to a marriage counselor, friends and your husband. He may understand.
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