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Emo Tenorio
Supporter
Your number one duty is to protect yourself and any children from the threat of any violence, regardless of the source! This is not your fault. Don't make the mistake of self deception that you can fix him, all will be alright. Professional services must brought into the problems behind the violence. Be honest with yourself: was this the 1st time? What's the chances of round 2 or 3? Contact law enforcement to bring the full weight of the legal system to bear on the situation quickly. Contact your pastor, church or those who will provide good counsel and safety. Are there children? Be wise, don't place yourself back into a dangerous situation by sweet meaningless empty words. Sometimes it's better and safer to leave. Consider all will withdraw at some point, now do YOU choose the return to your marriage bed to sleep with one eye open, waiting? Have courage my sister lady. Much to ponder. Stay in prayer and contact with those who love and care. 1Cor 16:13
Rachel Tingle
Supporter
I did not see too many admonishments to call the cops. I will share this with you. I went through the same thing many years ago and I struggled with calling the police. Then I read Romans 13:1-5. God helped me to realize a few things. One, assault is a crime. This is not just my husband being violent towards me. He is assaulting me, attempting to murder me and that is a CRIME. I remember a counselor telling me that they don't always mean to kill you. Sometimes they just hit you and you hit the table on the way down, the wrong way. So, what do we do when we are victims of a crime? What are our options? Verse 4 - The authorities are sent by God to help you...the authorities are established by God for that very purpose, to punish those who do wrong. Below is a great article which deals with how the law restrains sin http://www.ligonier.org/learn/articles/restraining-sin-civil-use-law/ I agree with separating but I also agree with Scripture that civil law has been put in place to restrict sin from having it's full vent. Please be wise because this is very dangerous. Leaving is the most dangerous time. Let me say this also and I really want you to consider this. If you are not ready to leave, if there is any part of you that will come back, if you are not ready to actually separate and allow this man to get serious help then I would counsel you not to. Many times, people will ask women why they keep going back. The answer is because they were never settled in their hearts to go. We, on the outside, look at the violence and it doesn't make sense. No one understood my fear of leaving as well as my love for my ex in remembering the good times. No one but you, knows your breaking point. For some women, it's the first punch for others, it's a bullet through the head. For some others, death do they part. You know what I mean? I say this because it's easy to say separate but there is a lot involved in it and there is the aftermath. My ex stalked me, harassed me and my family along with my friends. It was awful! He tried to be violent again and was arrested. He would call my job, threaten me, all of that. This was after I made up my mind that this was it. You have to be ready for what is coming and what you're going to have to do in order to be safe. I don't know this man or the extent of his violence or his behavior but you must be prepared. Please know that I have been professionally trained to talk about this so it's lengthy. Leaving requires a very firm decision that has been planned out. You need to contact people who can help you and do this in a discreet manner. You have to plan to leave. Sorry for the length but my heart hurts for you and I want you to be safe and I want him to get the help he needs. Planning is about knowing where you can go, having documents, financial support, anonymity, counseling services, etc. Don't let this overwhelm you because there are people who can help. My point is that this is something you really must get help with. You are in my prayers...
Seth Freeman
Supporter
Immediately remove yourself from the dangerous situation. Immediately. While divorce for any reason outside of adultery is not an option for two Christians, that doesn't mean that separation is wrong.
Shanna Duck
Supporter
A "Christian" man (or woman) who would abuse his/her spouse in this way is not obeying the Word nor living as a Christian, but is worse than a pagan.. While he may bring home a paycheck, he is certainly not providing for the "needs" of his family, but instead is abusing them and dishonoring the name of Christ. I cannot see how a woman staying in this situation would cause others to come to salvation, rather a situation like this would only bring reproach on the Gospel and might cause any children in the family to despise Christianity for allowing themselves and their mother to suffer. For her safety, the woman needs to take her children, if any, and seek a safe refuge somewhere. Men who are extremely violent are unstable and may ultimately kill their spouses. I think the church, especially in some of the more conservative denominations, has turned a blind eye to physical, verbal, and mental abuse. The pastor and deacons of the church should take a strong stand in this matter, and preach from the pulpit that, while a Christian woman is submissive to her husband, the Christian husband MUST love his wife sacrificially and treat her with respect, as a weaker vessel. The clergy must also make it clear that, while a woman is responsible for her actions, she does NOT deserve abuse. Often spousal abuse is a case for the law or for professionals, as there may be issues involved such as alcoholism, extreme stress, or mental illness. But the Church must be sure that men understand that spousal abuse is a sin that will not be tolerated, and that abusive husbands will be counseled and ultimately dis-fellowshipped according to Scripture.
Beverly Mether
Supporter
All above are correct according to scripture......IF you stay you are only allowing "The Sins of the Fathers" [ many times generational ] to be TAUGHT by example to your children. "Father's anger not your children to wrath." You must separate yourself and allow GOD to get ahold of your husband [ as you continue to Pray for him ] "Be ye not unequally yoked together." BUT your staying only gives your husband permission for the abuse to continue! This is SIN.....My father a licensed and ordained minister testified in court to remove a sexually abused wife and children [ of a family of his congregation ] to protect them. [ Abuse known of in the community for years....usually someone knows but many will not take a stand to help. ] The abusive father [ who had attended church with his family ] was convicted and put into prison. Years later at a church reunion a tall good looking man approached my father and asked, "Do you know who I am Pastor?" He than introduced himself & his brother and said, "My father had saved their family." He and His brother and his sisters were now all in Ministry and Missions work, with families of their own; they credited my father for being "Their Spiritual Father" According to Scripture He had stepped in to over-cover and protect them from evil. "The Sins of the Father's" had been broken in their family and HEALED by GOD.
Gregory Tomlinson
Supporter
Leave him separate your self, do not second guess get out. It does not matter what justification he has for this act. Flee you are endanger, any other response is misleading leave, NOW, This is not God in anyway shape or form seek protection, NOW! No one has Gods sanction to physically afflict another, Obviously he is not pleased to dwell with you FLEE, get away if you have children wait until it is safe and go to the police NOW if possible. I am praying for you NOW seek help he is a wolf in sheep's clothing get help NOW! DO NOT WAIT
Bernita Rainey
Supporter
Separate yourself from this situation, fast and pray and seek God's face to get the correct answer from him. The Bible says, "Love them that hate you and pray for them that despitefully use you." Most of all, remain safe at all times.
Glenn Harrell
Supporter
What "should" she do? The same thing a non-Christian woman/wife would be well advised to do. Through the years I have worked with men (Christian and non) who resorted to personal violence as a means of resolving conflict. Most of the conflict on the part of the man stems from unresolved issues in his past. Left unresolved, they grow like cancerous tumors. Left untreated, any person--man or woman--has the potential to inflict harm upon another. Men, (especially men) are slow and resistant to seek help for emotional issues. Our pride tells us we should be strong on our own. Our culture tells us not to cry or appear to be weak. The irony is that the same man who will harm a woman or child is ultimately weak and less-than manly. If a man hits his wife or harms her in emotional outbursts containing criticism and degradation, the wife should know that this didn't just happen. He has been sporting that inner rage against himself for a long time. Warning signs are almost always there and must never be taken lightly. For example: Depression is anger turned inward. Alcohol is a deadening coping mechanism. Drugs can effectively mask the hidden truth of shame, guilt and fear. The sad reality is that men (and women) who allow their emotional and spiritual selves to degrade are headed down a slippery slope--one in which counseling (a professional, licensed therapist) is an absolute must. There is no shame in this. It is simply a fact of life that we need help beyond ourselves. God has equipped and gifted individuals to help us with our minds just as he has our spirits and bodies. We need them all from time to time. The shame will come when the man or woman ignores the first offense and perhaps allows the second--third… The shame will come when this man actually abuses/harms/hits his wife and she does the right thing. CALL THE POLICE. They come and arrest the offender. (sometimes in front of children) The shame will come when he or she sits in jail, pondering how it came to this. Yet, this shame can be used by God to bring about repentance and a willingness to get help. Both the woman and the man need help and counseling. Abuse is never an acceptable means of resolving conflict and no marriage has an "innocent" partner. Marriage is two very sinful and selfish people coming to live together as one. Each the other has to work very hard on themselves and their marriage. Each one must rely on and value the love and grace of God above all else. This is the inner working that only God can do. The human heart must know the transformation that only comes from Jesus Christ living inside. (John 3:1-19) The greatest gift any woman or man can offer each other in marriage is such a redeemed heart. As important as counseling is--NO AMOUNT OF COUNSELING CAN REPLACE THE HUMAN NEED FOR FORGIVENESS FROM GOD AND SALVATION THROUGH JESUS CHRIST as a foundation for life and life to come. If you want your husband or wife to act Christ like--they must have Christ inside. Not as a religious cosmetic. Husband and wife; If you see trouble signs, act now--don't wait-- seek professional help. Just a note: Many pastors are also highly trained in therapy and counseling, but most are not. A good pastor will know his role as well as his limitations. He will most often have a list of qualified counselors as a referral to his parishioners. You and I can hide the truth from our spouses, pastors, and friends. Sometimes even from a wise therapist. But thankfully, God cannot be duped or tricked. He can help us to face ourselves. His Word can show us the truth about ourselves. His Spirit can both inform and transform our pitiful selves into children of God who grow daily in the likeness of our Savior Jesus Christ. (Colossians 2:6-7) "Nothing is hidden from God! He sees through everything, and we will have to tell him the truth." (Hebrews 4:13) Blessings all...
Melody Sutter-fisher
Supporter
This man is obviously NOT a Christian, for were he truly he would not lay a hand on his wife to inflict any pain on her whatsoever. The wife is a helpmate to the husband, that is IF the husband is the spiritual leader of the home.He cannot possibly be the spiritual leader and act in such a manner. We many times mistake this for submissiveness in everything. God did not intend for any of us to be abused by husband or by wife. You, sister in Christ, need to flee this situation, do as Bernita said and seek God in prayer for your answers. Seek the counsel of the Holy Spirit to guide you, heal you, and order your daily steps. But seek Him in safety, away from the violence of this man.
vanessa pannuti
Supporter
My opinion is that the body is the Lord's and you should try and prevent systematic, constant abuse of it. Pray for your partner because abusers usually suffered some horrible experiences in the past that caused a confusion in moral value. Like a scrambled TV screen, their discernment is not sound. I hope they will see sense one day. Try to stop a violent outburst, but remember that the police will stop it with criminal records and prison sentences based on evidence; even if you decline to give a statement you will go down that road. All these rehabilitation programmes or counselling most of time are smoke in your eyes and do not work. Separate if staying together has detrimental effects on both of you. Your partner is obviously hurt as well. It is sad to be deceived in this way, you must have believed you were with a different person at the beginning of your relationship; learn to recognise the warning signs in the future even tough abusers are well concealed.
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