How can being gay be wrong if you've always felt attracted to the same sex, you're a devoted Christian, and it wasn't something you chose?
I've always struggled to understand this... I have a 19 year old son that I recently found out was gay. When I found out about the pain and self condemnation he was putting himself through for years, it killed me inside! He has very much struggled with this reality himself and feels ashamed. He is a conservative, devoted Christian. So the fact that he didn't choose this and can't help but feel the way he does... How can him being attracted to other men be wrong? I do understand that some may choose to be with the same sex but he didn't choose this, in fact he's been praying about it and fighting it but since he can remember he's always felt the same. So if his feeling are coming from a genuine place, and he finds love with another man, how can that be wrong? Isn't God Love? Thank you for taking the time to read and answer my question.
For follow-up discussion and general commentary on the topic. Comments are sorted chronologically.
Pamela Jamison
This IS and always has been a mental health issue
It would be best to get your son to a good mental health expert. Everything begins with a thought and the mind is a battlefield. This will make anyone struggling with this attack from Satan overcome just as we all overcome attacks from Satan
Lynne alwine
Dear Anonymous,
I understand the statement, "he didn't choose this" as I also struggled with same sex attraction beginning as a young child. I am 51 now and looking back I see how the enemy used molestation & wrong thoughts to keep me fearful & in chains. I didn't choose those thoughts at such a young age. The torment all those years of people knowing is also a tactic of the enemy; one he will use to isolate a person so they have no effect on the world around them. These feelings/wrong thoughts do not define your son. He is being attacked like so many others with this sin. I asked for help from a pastor several years ago & received nothing but basically don't do it again & interesting looks, even from the pastors children. The Lord led me to a wonderful Christian therapist who does not judge me. Doors are beginning to open for me to be able to help others going through unwanted homosexual thoughts/feelings. I know this is not who I am but God allowed it for a greater purpose. The fact your son is being attacked as he is, is a sign of his worth/value to Gods kingdom. The battle is in the mind. Prov 23:7 If your son believes he is homosexual due to the thoughts/feelings, then it will be difficult for him to not act in that. That's the lie. They are not his thoughts as a Christian but the enemy wants a person to believe they are. Your son is already free from this even though it feels totally opposite. Jesus only had to die once for our sins, past, present & future.
Pamela Jamison
That was very well stated. I really appreciate people who articulate in such a way that it all is understood --what a gift you have.
Lynne alwine
Thank you Pamela.
Lynne alwine
Dear Anonymous, Some additional thoughts. Your son is so precious. He will be a blessing to others in the future. The fight is fierce. Twice, I came close to ending my life. But it's not our fight. It's Gods. Satan does not want what God put in your son to come to fruition b/c, if it does, your son will help many people & he will be full of so much joy & peace.
1) He will need to choose (regardless of thoughts/feelings) to believe what God says about him; that he is already free, etc. Cast down those thoughts right away & fill that space with something good. Speak the name of Jesus out loud. Speaking out in general will help a person "snap" out of any unwanted thinking. He will need to do this many times a day at first but it will get better.
2) Get rooted in Gods love as this is foundational for any Christian to overcome his/her issues. Ck out Joyce Meyers site for scriptures on healing & who you are in Christ. I printed them & took them with me everywhere. Search scriptures in Gods love. Write them down & memorize them.
3) Remember your son is not in this alone in this. He will feel/think he is but that's a lie. The battle belongs to the Lord.
4) Don't fight, believe. Satan wants to destroy him b/c he will have a testimony. Do your battle in choosing to believe (speaking Gods word out loud), listening to good Christian music, and most of all, just praising God for what He's already done & how He will use you in the future. Listened to Joyce Meyer, TD Jakes, Steven Furtick..
John Matthews
Pamela, homosexuality was thought to be a mental health issue in the United States and England for a very long time. Homosexuality was removed as a mental health disorder in 1973 by the American Psychiatric Association. It no longer is considered an illness, if it really ever was. Some think it is a lifestyle choice. Some also believe that homosexuality is a physical difference which determines their direction. Regardless, we are commanded to love everyone, especially sinners and those struggling with their relationship with Jesus Christ.
It is obvious, to me anyway, that Anonymous' son struggles with his faith in Jesus Christ, along with Scripture, and practicing a gay lifestyle. We can all empathize with that struggle, as we all are sinners and sin even though we know that our action is sinful.
Pamela Jamison
Also, checkout Joyce M: Battlefield of the Mind
Jennifer Rothnie
The history of homosexuality being diagnosed as a mental disorder has a little to do with science, and a lot to do with politics.
It was added into the DSM (diagnostic and statistic manual of mental disorders) only in 1968. A mere five years later, the majority of members at the American Psychiatric convention ( 5,854 for removal and 3,810 for retention) voted to remove it from the manual. Note that this was not based on any new or different science, but just the preference of attendees. The APA then changed the manual, partially. 'Homosexuality' was replaced with 'sexual orientation disturbance.' In 1987, the APA removed it entirely from the DSM.
The World Health Organization took a bit longer, not removing homosexuality from ICD classification until 1992.
None of these changes were based on new scientific discoveries or studies on mental health. They were based primarily on social pressure and changing social norms.
In the DSM-IV, all manner of paraphilias (non-typical sexual interests, such as zoophilia, pedophilia, or foot fetishes) were still listed as disorders except for homosexuality, which had been removed due to popular acceptance in culture.
By the DSM-V, paraphilias themselves had been distinguished from 'paraphilic disorders' where the non-typical sexual interest causes harm to self or others. There are many groups who work to remove their particular interest from even this DSM classification while insisting other groups are still deviant.
John Matthews
The research of Masters and Johnson on human sexuality revolutionized the medical interpretation of sexual disorders. Their eight year research (1957-1965) and subsequent books - Human Sexual Response (1966) and Human Sexual Inadequacy (1970), had everything to do with science and not politics.
The APA did not remove homosexuality specifically as a mental disorder just based on attendees' preference. Were 5800 doctors completely ignorant of Masters and Johnson and complete Atheists? Were the other 3800 doctors religious zealots?
To hypothesize that all of the changes concerning homosexuality are based on acceptance in culture is ridiculous. Human sexuality continues to be studied and reported upon in countless journals and education institutions. You can go on the internet and "google" hundreds of thousands of scientific articles concerning human sexuality.
Jennifer Rothnie
As I said, the history of how psychiatry treated homosexuality has 'a little to do with science' - not nothing to do with it at all. However, the primary drivers behind redefinitions and eventual removal of homosexuality from the DSM manual (and including it as a mental disorder, to begin with) were sociopolitical, not scientific advancement.
"By declaring a condition a “non-condition,” a group of practitioners had removed it from our list of serious psychosexual disorders. The action...involved the out-of-hand and peremptory disregard and dismissal not only of hundreds of psychiatric and psychoanalytic research papers and reports but also of a number of other serious studies by groups of psychiatrists, psychologists, and educators over the past seventy years...APA did not officially investigate or study the issue thoroughly before it gave formal approval to the deletion....to some American psychiatrists this action remains a chilling reminder that if scientific principles are not fought for they can be lost "
http://www.pfox.org/sidebar-pages/removal-of-homosexuality/
Whether mental disorder, predisposition, or free choice, homosexuality is still condemned as a sin in scripture along with slavery, murder, perjury, etc. I Tim 1:9-10.
We all are sinners who struggle with various sins that feel natural but go against God's ideal. With our new identities in Christ, we are no longer defined by those sins, but rather submit to the Spirit and slowly put to death fleshly deeds.
Pamela Jamison
Yes we are all
Sinners....but no longer when in the Jesus authority
I know a women who feels relieved now in her early 60s, she realize she sin with the choice of deciding to be lesbian. I believe this way of life is something that starts with thoughts.
Everything we do begins with a thought, therefore the battle is in the mind, therefore it is a mental health issue.
Jennifer Rothnie
It's true that we no longer identify as sinners when following Jesus, as sin no longer forms our identity (I Cor 6:9-11.) I meant sinners in the sense that we still stumble and commit sin, often frequently. So while the label sinners doesn't fit from God's view since we were washed, sanctified, and justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we do still have that struggle with the flesh (Rom 7:14-25.)
I agree that much of the battle with sin is in the mind, but I am not sure I would agree that that is the same as a mental health issue. Mental disorders generally have to do with physical mental factors (chemical imbalances, dopamine addictions, genetic defects, etc.) that affect how the mind processes or responds. Not all sin has underlying mental health issues, and mental health issues are not sin of themselves.
For example, someone could frequently use filthy language without any underlying mental health issue (other than the general corruption of sin) - sin without a mental disorder. Another person might suffer from coprolalia (a vocal swearing tic) and swear incessantly - a mental disorder but not directly a sin, since the person has no control or choice in the action.
Whether homosexuality is, or is at least influenced by, a mental disorder is still not fully known. Modern twin studies indicate that it functions much like alcoholism - a predisposition can be genetically passed on that along with environmental factors can lead to addiction.
Pamela Jamison
Do you agree that EVERYTHING we do is done from the thought we initially have in our minds? If it doesn't come from thought then please tell me where you would say it comes from?
Other then the involuntary sensations that cause us to do the things that the body does naturally, everything comes from thought.
Ursula S Monroe
First off this is your son and you love him warts and all! If he’s an adult and a born again Christian the Lord will bring him to where he should be. As fellow Christians we are to gently admonish him by providing biblical guidance on the error of his ways not condemn him. Only God has that responsibility. We all struggle with a sinful nature manifested by one action or another. I’m a “senior” person who has been a Christian for over 40 years and I still struggle with a sinful action. It may well be the thorn that will keep us leaning on God for strength to not act out this sin. I pray often for a willingness to obey and faith to trust for the same sin I have been battling since I was very young.
As he grows in Christ the Lord will direct his path back to one that the Lord wants him on.
One saying I try to act on is “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”
Keep on praying and loving your son...God will honor this according to His will.
Dieter Haas
I was born heterosexual. It was not my choice. It just happened. Most probably your son was born homosexual. It was not his choice, but it happened.
I don’t know why it happened. My recommendation: Love your son exactly as he is. Don’t try to change him (it will anyhow not work). Pray for him, so he can make the best decisions. Whatever he decides, continue to love and accept him unconditionally!
John Matthews
Dieter, do you think your homosexuality is a sin? If not, how have you reconciled your lifestyle with Christianity and scripture? I would really like to know.
I am heterosexual but have read several books concerning homosexuality and Christianity because of my brother. He struggled and felt unloved by Jesus because of his mostly if not completely celibate gay lifestyle. He passed away in 2002 from cancer but was a very unhappy man. We were quite close and I think of him almost every day.
My brother also believed it was not a choice and that it just "happened." If you can help my understanding, I would be most appreciative. Jesus spent his entire ministry dealing with non-believers and did it with love and respect; not condemnation and anger.