Even though I’m mad, should I give?
I recently had a miscarriage earlier this year. My very first pregnancy and I lost it. Losing my baby was the worst experience I’ve ever been through. Feeling so low, I called my closest friend and asked her to come visit me because I desperately needed some company. Two days later, she made an easy excuse and decided not to come. Then a few days after that excuse, she found out she was pregnant and decided that she wanted to make the trip to visit because she needed a friend. Of course, feeling slighted and disregarded, I told her no because I didn’t feel it was fair to me (I’m always there when she needs me, no questions asked and hardly ever ask anything in return. But I also felt it was just too much for me to bear and I didn’t want to have to put my grief to the side to help assist her deal with another difficult situation she put herself in). She’s contacted me for help since then and it’s just more of the inconsideration that I receive; however, even though I’m hurt and upset with her, I still try to be a good friend to her while remaining distant. She has a baby shower coming up and I’m having a hard time deciding whether I should be a good friend and send her a gift despite the fact that I don’t feel she deserves my friendship at the moment. I feel really bad but I feel really hurt by her at the same time, and I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want God to be angry with me for not sending her anything but I feel I have been so disregarded by my friend.
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Asked October 11 2020
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Anonymous
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Donna Williams
Supporter
My Dear Sister: I am so sorry for your loss. I understand your pain at the present and I would like to encourage you to do what is pleasing in the sight of God. I hope that you have the opportunity to speak to your friend and tell her how you really feel and then forgive. There is so much power in forgiveness, it will liberate you from whatever negative feelings and emotions you are harboring in your heart. We are not responsible, neither are we accountable for someone else's actions. But we are accountable for our own. Don't allow the behavior of someone else to dominate and control your life, and keep you from showing the love and the mercy of God. We as believers are still expected to do what's right. What you are going through right now, is a war between your flesh and the Spirit of God. I hope that you will surrender your will over to the Spirit of God. There's a blessing in it for you, that will cause you to grow spiritually. Don't allow the enemy to rob you! God Bless You ❤
Janet Austin
Supporter
I’m so sorry about your miscarriage and your lack of support from your friend. I went through a similar situation, and when the other person’s birthday came, I bought them a small, personalized gift. Unfortunately, they were less than welcoming and certainly unappreciative; however, I was glad I did what I considered the kind thing to do. Ever since then I keep my distance. I’m polite if that person is around but I stopped making the effort to keep our relationship. At least now the relationship fades with me feeling good about what I did; I believe I did the right thing in God’s eyes. The other person will have to deal with their own behavior - it’s between them and God. Do your best and to God leave the rest.
Kelli Trujillo
Supporter
A few years ago I wrote an article about the importance of forgiveness. I'm including the link (it's an article found here on eBible), but I want to reiterate a few things: 1) Jesus commanded us to bless, forgive and express love to those who do wrong to us (Luke 6:28). 2) When you're offended at another person, your lack of forgiveness HURTS YOU more than it hurts the other. As Mark Twain stated, "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." 3) You can bless this person, but still maintain your distance to avoid further hurt. (Matthew 18) Here is the link to the article: https://ebible.com/articles/188/want-to-be-free-be-a-big-forgiver-4 May God bless you as you seek Him for the grace and strength to forgive and move on.
Grant Abbott
Supporter
Jesus chose Judas as one of his twelve apostles knowing that Judas would betray him into the hands of the Jewish authorities, who would condemn him to death, crucified by the Roman authorities. Jesus trained and equipped Judas and sent him out, filled with his Holy Spirit to minister to people’s needs. Judas was the treasurer of Jesus ministry and he even stole money to garner the support of zealots to overthrow the Romans. Jesus even gave Judas the opportunity to repent when he dipped his bread with him during the Lord's Supper. When we depend on human beings in our times of greatest need, they will always disappoint us or even betray us. Why? Because we are all sinful human beings. That is why Jesus tells us to put our trust in him. He will always be faithful and never let us down. Instead of putting up a barrier with your friend, ask Jesus to send a faithful friend into your life to bring you comfort and strength in the midst of your grief and sorrow over your loss. Then you can continue to love your friend with the same kind of sacrificial love that Jesus had for Judas. This kind of sacrificial love does not require or expect anything in return. While we were still sinners Christ died for us.
Remedios Baraquil
Supporter
Yes we should always give, no matter what happens. God is watching us. Forgive and forget.
Donna Meek
Supporter
I am so sorry for your loss. Your heart is broken from the loss - and possibly from your friend not understanding! Forgiveness is a gift for yourself - not anyone else. However, when we forgive, we don't have to reconcile the relationship. We do not need an apology from the other person. We need peace in our heart that we can move on. If you really think this relationship is "all give" on your side, you may need to end it. You can be cordial, but you do NOT have to reconcile. I would pray and ask God what is best for you. Also, remember you are hurting right now. With time, you may be able to forgive and be gracious to this friend.
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