Is it wrong for a couple to live together before marriage?
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Asked July 01 2013
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Anonymous (via GotQuestions)
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S. Michael Houdmann
Supporter
The answer to this question depends somewhat on what is meant by "living together." If it means having sexual relations, it is definitely wrong. Premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture,...
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Singapore Moses
Supporter
Lovers are trying to experiment if their love is genuine and compatibe before getting married by living together intimately. Is it Biblical? Chastity is a virtue common to both sexes. Because of social, cultural restraints and legal prescription, one may not have actually indulged in adultery. But it is rather more important that we must keep inwardly pure in our thoughts and feelings, for that is the requirement in God's eyes regarding this matter. Physical union though instituted by God is not the basis of marriage. Marriage is first spiritual, then physical. When that order is reversed infidelity creeps in. We may be bodily pure but the heart can become corrupt and adulterous. Joy and laughter fill and freely flow the newlyweds. But the initial endearing expressions of love pass with a passage of time and that is when the couple must take extra care to continue in love. Malachi 2:15 admonishes, "Guard yourself in spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth." The only commandment that is sort of repeated within the Ten Commandments is with reference to adultery. Commandment Seven: "You shall not commit adultery;" Commandment Ten: "You shall not covet your neighbour's wife" (Ex 20:14,17). Almost all the New Testament Epistles speak against adultery and fornication (Rom 13:12-14; 1 Cor 6:13-20; 2 Cor 12:21; Gal 5:19-21; Eph 4:17-24; Col 3:1-7; 1 Thess 4:3-7; 2 Tim 2:21,22; 1 Pet 2:9-11; 4:1-3; 2 Pet 2:9,10). God made one One for One—only! Devil's device(trick or strategy) is to experiment sex before marriage. It is called fornication and adultery. "Marriage should be honoured by all and the marriage bed kept pure" (Heb 13:4)
Irene Freeman
Supporter
My opinion on the above subject is that, the Bible clearly asks if a man can put fire in his bosom and not get burnt? Certainly not. If a man and a woman are not related by blood, and one must not accommodate the other for the purpose of offering support against the economic hardship of survival, then let not any man and woman who have an emotional attachment towards each other be found living together before they are properly married. The risk is high, that emotions will erupt and the desires of the flesh will pull strongly one for the other. Let us exercise the gift of self control which the Holy spirit gives us. It posses a strong foundation for the many difficult years in marriage. Its a strong virtue to have on the entrance of marriage. God bless and help us all...
Bob Jones
Supporter
Is it wrong to live together before marriage? The others have answered this pretty well. I will add this scripture that makes it clear if you are living with someone you're not married to and have sex with them, you are in SERIOUS danger of going to hell. That's why you need to get married if you feel like you might sin like that. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10: Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. In response to your other question "Does God have a specific person for you to marry?", the answer is sometimes. Really nobody's perfect for you, because nobody's perfect. In the bible we don't see many instances where God just chooses a spouse for somebody. God chose a spouse for Adam. He also told Hosea to marry a prostitute - which nobody would like! There really are not many times in the bible when something like this happens. All that said, I believe that sometimes God does tell people a specific person for them to marry. I've heard stories of how God showed people who they should marry. Whatever happens, remember this proberbs 3:5-6. No matter how good it looks before you get married, TRUST IN THE LORD! No matter how bad it gets after you are married, TRUST IN THE LORD! Always pray a lot and get advice from wise, godly people. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Grant Abbott
Supporter
In response to the question “Does God have one specific person for you to marry?”, I offer the following. I believe he does. God has a “perfect will” for our lives and a “sovereign will” for our lives. This is illustrated so clearly in God’s relationship with the nation of Israel. God raised up this nation and made a special covenant of love with them. This expressed his perfect will. Look at the blessings God promises in Deuteronomy 28:1-14. But the people broke their covenant with God so he disciplined them many times to exercise his sovereign will. He is still waiting for his people to return to him and one day they will according to his sovereign will. Then in the millennial kingdom they will experience God’s perfect will. When it comes to searching for a life partner, God has a perfect will - a specific person who is ideally suited for each one of us, and he has a sovereign will - that we marry a genuine Christian. So how do we find this ideal mate. I believe the process is quite simple but it will take both faith and patience. It starts with claiming God’s promises. Let’s start with these two: Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. God promises to lead and guide us to his perfect choices for our lives. Matthew 7:7-8 7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Ask God in prayer to introduce us to his perfect mate for us and to affirm this choice in our hearts. He will surely answer that prayer. But we may have to keep asking, keep seeking and keep knocking to test and refine our faith. Remember, too, that God looks on the inside not the outside. David was not the ideal choice based on outward appearance, but God saw what was in David’s heart. Claim God’s promises, keep asking in prayer, wait in faith for God to reveal his perfect will, then seize the opportunity and marry the perfect mate.
John Matthews
Supporter
In this day and age, the biblical concept of marriage is foreign to Western thought. The way, for example, the USA looks at marriage is not from a spiritual angle; it is a legal condition. In biblical times, two families struck a "deal" and promised a man and a woman to each other. If love entered into the equation, then great. If not, possibly some kind of love might blossom. It really was a contract, so to speak, and certainly not a spiritual bond. If it was between two believers, then the union was blessed by God. In actuality, the two were betrothed, possibly lived in the same house, and then had a banquet to "seal the deal." Only then was the marriage consummated. Today, we must think of a marriage as a union of a man and a woman who go to a legal authority and get a license. Then, an appointed official, i.e. pastor, priest, justice of the peace, etc., performs a wedding ceremony, signs a document and sends it back to the legal authority. They are "legally" married. God only enters into this arrangement if the two come together as one, celebrating that commitment with and under the blessings of God Almighty. Here is where the answer to the question comes. If a man and woman have committed their relationship to each other with God, then under scripture, they are "married." They are not "legally" married, but they are "married" under the covenants of holy scripture. At this point, there is no sin when the union is consummated. Marriage as we understand it today is a legal condition and not a spiritual one. I am a Minister of Music in a larger church and several people in our congregation are not "legally" married but they are married in the sight of God. There might be family or legal considerations in play as to why these two cannot be "legally" married. These are committed relationships and no one that I know of thinks that any of these people are living in sin. If they do, shame on them. I know of no passage of scripture where sin would enter into any of these sleeping arrangements. To answer the question: If a man and woman are fully committed to each other only and to Jesus Christ, they do not need to be legally married in order to have sexual relations; there is no sin. Admittedly, there are legal advantages in having a legal marriage certificate, but their legal status has nothing to do with God. As far as living together, unless there is that commitment with God, it is not a good idea and will certainly result in sinful behavior.
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