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As deeply as a husband and wife may love each other, the process of adapting to living together -- especially within the framework of day-to-day events over the course of a lifetime -- is almost sure to reveal characteristics or actions on the part of each spouse that irritate his or her partner. To me, the supreme test of patience in a marriage is not in reaction to "big" problems or life-changing events, but in dealing with these minor sources of annoyance in a way that is consistently loving and constructive on the part of each spouse, without demeaning or attacking the other. Emotional maturity and (especially) control of one's words are central to this effort (both in refraining from impulsive negative comments, and in properly phrasing and expressing the comments that are made), as is learning to accept aspects that (despite best efforts) do not or cannot change.
God defined marriage in Genesis as between a man and a woman. It is a special relationship. Being human, we all have our own personalities. Genesis 13:8, Abraham inherited Canaan and his family went with him. He says to Lot, "let there be no strife between us, for we are brethren." A-a-a-h, the word strife. Family, close relationships are bound to have conflict. How do we deal with it? Proverbs 10:12, "Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all sins." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails..." Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her" Colossians 3:19, "Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them." Both these verses I believe are to be taken seriously by wives also. Proverbs 15:18, "A wrathful man stirs up strife, But he who is slow to anger allays contention." Proverbs 26:21,"As charcoal is to burning coals, the wood is to fire, So is a contentious man to kindle strife." Proverbs 29:22, "An angry man stirs up strife, And a furious man abounds in transgression." Remember, not just men but women can share these feelings. We are human. Anger that simmers can cause other problems. We must remember to love. The love will bring up tenderness and patience for our spouse. Titus 2:4, "That they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children" (sometimes I think we all act like children, no matter our age.) Jesus was always patient and forgiving. 1 Peter 3:1, "Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives" Galatians 5:16, "I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:22, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering kindness, goodness, faithfulness, (23) gentleness and self-control." I believe the key to patience in marriage is to know in the marriage there are three, you, your spouse and Jesus. He is the Key to all.
What does patience in a marriage look like? I'll make it real plain. It's keeping your cool for 50 years when you pull into the parking lot of the Piggly Wiggly, and you're told which spot you need to park in... if you can just learn to say, "Why don't I just drop you off at the door and I'll find a spot," BEFORE you're told where to park, I guarantee you'll feel a whole lot better for it!
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