Anonymous (via GotQuestions)
For follow-up discussion and general commentary on the topic. Comments are sorted chronologically.
Helena Jones
First, I am not married, but one who not only want to become married, but also God is preparing me to become ready as a good wife. What I am learning from the scriptures, and no I will not list scriptures to back up my views, is that submission is not necessarily always doing as your husband asks you to do. Think about that, if your husband request you to do something unreasonable, or perhaps illegal, will you really submit to his request of you? Of course not! The Lord is revealing to me that submission is about an order of man & woman joining together, coexisting, where the man has headship, he is our cover. He protects, he provides, he guides, he minister and together we speak and discuss our differences, regardless if we agree. We respectfully disagree and move on without hostility.
It does not necessarily mean that I will do everything he asks of me, nor does it mean that I will disobey his requests of me, especially when the outcome is something that will directly affect me, which of course will indirectly if not directly affect him (husband). Such as a medical decision, I will discuss a medical concern with my husband, and he will provide his opinion, but the decision utimately will be mine. In saying this there will be some decisions that a wife (according to what I am hearing from the Lord) will and should be expected to submit to her husbands authority, regardless of her opinion. She can voice her concern, but should submit to his authority.
Danny Hickman
Submission is greatly misunderstood by the church. Not just on the subject of husband and wife, but also when it pertains to pastor and congregant. When the subject is discussed, the questions usually go to the extreme, especially when it concerns submission to a husband.
"What if he asks me to do something illegal or sinful?"
That isn't the issue. That has nothing to do with what is being taught about submission. To go there is to avoid the intention of the teaching.
The real problem in this, is that people who have authority almost always have to do something to aquire it; they have to earn it somehow. It's not that way with the male/female phenomenon. Men are said to have authority just by virtue of being born male. THAT'S THE STICKING POINT!! And we all know that MANY of us aren't 'authority material.'
"Am I to submit to a man who is clearly not to be followed?"
The answer depends on what you think submission means! It doesn't mean blind obedience; nor does it mean child-like loyalty.
It is to accept your assignment, and work to support the agency in which you are involved. Support the agency of matrimony, even if you don't support the man to which you're married.
If a soldier is under the authority of a vile superior officer, he is to support the military even if he doesn't support the officer. He isn't compelled to obey unlawful or improper commands. To do so would weaken the structure of the agency.
Submit to the agency not the agent if the agent is corrupt.
Danny Hickman
The extreme isn't what we're usually dealing with.
Why should the husband have final say about how the couple lives? She wants to live in New York, he prefers Los Angeles; one kid is enough for her, he wants more. (they talked about it before and she said differently, but after experiencing childbirth and motherhood she had a change of heart).
She was born and raised in the city, he's a country boy who relocated to the city to get an education and start a career. After getting established he wants to move back to Bugtussel, USA.
The wife has lots of friends and likes to entertain; the husband isn't into people and friends. (they should have noticed their differences before they married; well they didn't for whatever reason; it happens a lot!)
These are the usual challenges, not 'a husband asking a wife to do what she thinks is the extreme...' there are a whole lot of men who want to have the final say on everything! They think they should pick the restaurant...!
Being a Christian doesn't cure immaturity, but being married to the right person MIGHT!! Add to that the right understanding of the scriptures and there's a chance a man and woman can learn a little of what God has in mind for relationships.
I'll tell you this: I don't think God is interested in making male egos even bigger than they are in beginning! I think he wants us to sense the seriousness of our assignment. We have an awesome responsibility and privilege.
We get to let her pick the restaurant!