S. Michael Houdmann Supporter Got Questions Ministries

Although the words "courtship" and "dating" are not found in the Bible, we are given some principles that Christians are to go by during the time before marriage. The first is that we must separate...

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July 01 2013 • 1 response • Vote Up • Share • Report

Kilian Kean Supporter Telecommunications Engineer (Retired)

God is the ultimate match maker. Jehovah-Jireh, God will provide. A believer must be the person God wants them to be in order for God to present the mate they need as a spouse. When you are ready, then God will provide for your needs. 

I do not think that "dating" should be the norm for believers. I counsel my sons as such. While the urge is strong, we are not to be conformed to the worlds pattern of behavior in dating, hooking up, dancing, and romance. (Romans 12:2) Likewise, in 2 Timothy 2:4 we are to be soldiers of Christ. 

Am I saying that we should be unmarried? No! However, 1 Corinthians 7:26-27 encourages us to remain single, if we can. But 1 Corinthians 7:32-33 is clear; when we marry our focus changes. Serious study and reflection on 1 Corinthians 7 is needed for any single person.

Why are you seeking to date? What is the purpose? When I was a young believer, I acted like the world and sought to date girls in our church. After several failures, God revealed to me that He was not finished with the work He had in my heart. I needed to be further conformed into the image of Christ so the girl He had for me would be attracted to me. Why did I want to get married? Truthfully, I wanted to have sex without guilt. But God had so much more in store for me. (1 Corinthians 2:9)

After I resigned myself to God, I still struggled with the "urge to merge" as we used to say. It was months, maybe a year or more, but it was the most productive time of my Christian walk. It was very difficult, but I grew close to God. When God did present the woman for me, my current wife of 25 years, I argued with Him. "I don't even like the girl!" I shouted at Him. But I submitted to Him. 

Over the years, as I have watched family and friends end up in divorce I have understood why God's will was perfect for me. Not only did my wife provide the sexual outlet I needed, but so much more. She is patient with me when I am a jerk. She is growing in the Lord. Early on when we would argue, she would stop and say "I'm going to pray about this". And God would answer her prayer by whacking me (which I needed). But there are so many blessings beyond the "urge" that I never realized were in God's provision.

You have no idea what is ahead of you. Why place the next 25 years of your life in your own hands. Submit this area over to God and I can promise you, it will be the best thing ever! During the time of my "isolation" where I kept myself from dating God was working in my wife. Years later she told me what happened to her.

During a bible study that we both attended, she heard the Lord say that I would be her husband. It freaked her out and she stopped attending the study. But after several months, she came back to the study. One night after study, she was very frustrated with my not becoming her friend or hanging out in her circle of friends. Driving home that night, she got the 'RED light shaft' (where the light skips your turn to go) and she yelled out "I can't believe I have to wait!" It dawned on her that God was telling her to wait as He was not done with my development.

God was working hard on me, changing me into the man that would be right for her. Are you willing to wait a little and change a lot in order to have several decades of peace, fun, true love, and family? I tell people I not only love my wife, I actually like her. I enjoy being around her and growing old with her. Do you envision growing old together, wrinkled, with frail health? Look to the long term when considering dating. 

Lastly, are you guilty of 1 Samuel 16:7? Looking at the outside and not the heart. If so, change direction to find what God wants for you.

August 28 2018 • 2 responses • Vote Up • Share • Report