For follow-up discussion and general commentary on the topic. Comments are sorted chronologically.
Jonathan May
I never thought bitterness would be a sin I had to deal with. Do not think for a moment you are above it. Trusting in people can turn you bitter quickly.
For over 25 years my father -n-law lead me to believe he was the most devout Christian I had ever meet. Every part of his life was straight. He was once a deacon in a church. He often leads the music when the music minister is out. He is one of the most respected men in his community. His walk appeared to be one to envy.
I, by choice, trusted him and his two sons in an endeavor. I will not cover the details of this endeavor to try and remain anonymous while knowing my name is attached. The endeavor was clearly defined. The endeavor became successful and greed entered. The greed lead to deception, lies, and theft. One of his sons was to blame. The father and other brother were caught in the middle and choose to lie to me.
The problem was/is I trusted my father-n-law to insure something like this would never take place. I did not trust one of my brother-n-laws, but I did trust the one who became greedy and started the deception. The initial shock was anger. I did nothing more than argue with both of the brother-n-laws. After I had cooled from the initial anger, I turned to wise counsel. Proverbs 12:15 I spoke with my Pastor, my closes brothers in Christ, and the wisest business men I know. None of these people know my in-laws. In accurately sharing the details, they all came to the same conclusion as I. I had been deceived, lied to, and robbed. I ask them all what to do. Matthew 18:15 seemed to be the correct course. I went to my father-n-law and the greedy brother-n-law and explained to them what they had done. They did not hear me. I have not chosen the direction of Matthew 18:16&17. This direction would be a huge embarrassment for my father-n-law and would destroy his witness in the community. My chosen path today has been 2 Thessalonians 3:6. This path has caused much pain for my wife and mother-n-law. It has also caused many arguments between my wife and I. In walking away from them, I do not attend family gatherings and I do not speak to them. If they call me, I will talk, but I do not call them.
I am sure someone will say just forgive them and go one. The act of forgiveness requires the act of repentance. We as Christians are not turn and act like nothing has happened. I love my wife and she is well aware of the situation. She is a devout Christian lady, but I can not open the door and say it is alright to deceive me, lie to me, and steal from me. At some point, a Christian has to draw a line and say these actions are not tolerable. A family and friendship can not be sustained with these type actions.
I have never discussed this situation within anyone that knows them except my wife. If I told the details of the endeavor, it would highlight the greed that started this situation. The greed is so great this started over something that had the rarest of chances in taking place. I mean rare.
I am bitter over this situation and I do struggle with it. My bitterness is not over the endeavor. I am bitter in watching men who proclaim to be Christians live a life that is a lie. I am bitter that grown Christian men told me they loved me for years and acted as if I was part of their family and then allowed greed to destroy our relationship.
Please do not tell me to not put faith and trust in my fellow man. I was not born yesterday.
Lee Walters
Please don't expect God to change His mind that bitterness is now somehow OK. You have been given a great challenge and God will give you the power to rise to the occasion if you let Him. For the sake of your marriage and for the sake of your wife's relationship with her family, you must forgive and forget. That doesn't mean you need to do business with them again, that would be foolish but is the money worth destroying relationships over? It never is, even if it was tens of millions of dollars. Your wife is much more important than any amount of money. Don't make her chose between you and her family of origin. You may hate the outcome. Trust God to bless you for doing what is right. He will do so in His own good time. These crimes against you have not gone unnotice by Him. But if you seek vengeance, then God steps back and lets you have the error of your ways. You will not like the results. "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.'” (Romans 12:19)
Jonathan May
Mr. Walters,
I could agree with you more, but not much. Forgetting is not possible. Forgiveness is. The money had little to do with it. The outright deception of Christian men and how they abused my trust caused the bitterness. I never sought revenge. I was sincerely tempted by it. Without repentance, they can never walk in God's will. Christ's words are clear. You must confess and repent for forgiveness. However, His words are also clear that I must forgive. I have. God has healed my bitterness toward the situation since I posted last January. It wasn't long after I posted that God really began to work on me with my bitterness. This challenge or trial proved itself to be of great benefit to me at the beginning of October. It wasn't something I will not go into much, but I watched a great man take a great fall. Had my bitterness not been healed, I could have never forgave his fall, or been there for him and his family through a horrible event. Its always amazing how God has prepared us for out next challenge. I am going to guess you have traveled a similar road or you could have not shared the wisdom.
As men continue to let me down, even self, God never has.
vanessa pannuti
I'm sorry to hear about your story, bitterness, an embittered heart is an obstacle in your relationship with God. I'm reading a David Wilkerson book and it focuses on Exodus chapter 15 the waters of Marah (bitter), when the people grumbled as they were dying of thirst and were bitter and disappointed with God. Then Moses put a piece of wood that represents the cross, Jesus, the Prince of Peace, our reconciliation to God; and the waters became sweet. Bitterness of heart and disappointment is an obstacle for you to enter into God's rest. Even in the book of Ruth after the death of her husband and sons Naomi said "call me Marah".
There will be many trials and tests, think about the past ,like all the wars and destruction e.g. the book of Nahum. It is really sad that we shouldn't trust in men nor materialistic belongings ; I agree after all, we are part of the Body of Christ and we should love our brother as ourselves, beside God Himself entrusted men with the gospels and the revelations of His Spirit many times, Jesus was incarnated and was among us.
God will never let you down as He alone has the power to regenerate and resurrect what has reached even an incurable state. You must believe that no matter how low things may become there is an inexplicable reason for this; there is a cosmic wrestling, a struggle as it mentioned in Paul's epistles and we must put on the armor of God.
We must be reconciled and at peace with God before reconcile to one another.