S. Michael Houdmann Supporter Got Questions Ministries

The Bible doesn't tell us how often a married couple should have sex, it does tell us that a couple is to abstain only when it is a mutual decision. First Corinthians 7:5 tells us, "Do not deprive ...

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July 01 2013 • 6 responses • Vote Up • Share • Report

Jim Tumlinson Supporter One beggar leading others to where the bread is

As often as they like but both partners must agree. The marriage bed is undefiled. However if each one wants to either please or protect the other then they should make accommodations to do so. If for instance the husband travels then the wife should help him "be empty" when he leaves.

As one older lady once said, "Never let your husband leave the house with a loaded pistol" She was old, like white hair old.

One time a man said when he was propositioned by a woman, "why stay here and eat hamburger when I have steak at home"?

Sometimes it can be for the protection of the marriage covenant and other times for fun, or procreation etc. Once again the couple should agree on when to withhold and when to be there for the other.

Sex is also covenant making, where two become one, just as when we take communion we are making covenant with God via Jesus. And the bible says to do that as often as we think of Him.

February 02 2014 • 0 responses • Vote Up • Share • Report

Todd Rushing Supporter

As someone who has been married over 40 years, I have strong opinions on this subject. As has been previously mentioned, sex should only be abstained by mutual consent, and for the purpose of growing their personal relationship with God.

Every marriage experiences periods we call "dry spells." The lack of intimacy in a marriage can often result in feelings of regret, remorse and resentment. Couples who abstain for long periods have essentially become roommates. Intimacy is not just about the act of sex, but about each other's desire for each other. The Bible nowhere mentions frequency, but it should be often enough that the other person knows that their spouse feels the love of their mate. I can say that from personal experience that "dry spells" do cause tensions within the marriage. In many circles of marriage counseling, levels of intimacy of less than 10 times per year are considered a "dead bedroom." Is that a Biblical description? No. Is it a symptom of bigger problems? Possibly. Lack of intimacy is usually a problem of communication. If you are not at a level of intimacy that is satisfying, then you should look at your levels of communication and your walk with God. 

"Am I unsatisfied because of my level of intimacy, or is my desire level not a match to my spouse's?" These are items that engaged couples should talk about before marriage. "Are there other forces coming between my spouse and myself, such as raising children, work stress, or other family pressures?" When these situations occur, there should be open and honest discussions, and if necessary, schedule 'alone time' for husbands and wives. Husbands and wives often have differences in levels of intimacy that leave them satisfied. Men frequently have a higher sex drive than women, but that is not always the case. From my own experience, this is the case in my marriage, but I believe that God gave me this challenge as a way to teach me self-control and respect for my wife. But by the same token, the person who has little or no desire should pray for God's guidance, as intimacy builds relationships. A lack of intimacy can do the opposite.

So what is the desired level? That is up to each couple to decide. When one is dissatisfied, they should express that to their spouse. And also, don't forget that age plays a role in levels of intimacy. Intimacy naturally declines as we age. If there is a physical reason for lack of intimacy, such as ED or menopause, seek the help of a physician to determine what can be done to alleviate the problem.

4 days ago • 0 responses • Vote Up • Share • Report